Dumbledore's Pawn: Severus Snape
by marzipan0
Summary: Severus Snape learns that the Dark Lord intends to target the child of Lily Potter because of the prophecy. A look at what happened while Severus turned spy for Albus Dumbledore. Canon. Correlates with Dumbledore's Pawn: Lily Potter
1. Chapter 1

Severus stumbled out of the Death Eater meeting, his mind was spinning. His simple intelligence gathering mission had turned into a complete mess. He had thought that he was simply passing on the information so that the Dark Lord would know what Dumbledore was going to try and pull on him, but no, the Dark Lord actually believed the prophecy and believed it was about Lily's son.

Severus started pacing the corridor. He had to stay because the Dark Lord had wanted to speak with him, but only after he had spoken to several others first. In fact, he made it clear that Severus would be the last person he would meet with tonight.

How could this be? He had done so many things to keep Lily safe. He had gotten the Dark Lord to offer her a position as a Death Eater, which she turned down for all the brain washing that occurred in the Gryffindor house. He defended her in battles as discreetly as he could, but now she was a target. There was no way that the Dark Lord was not going to kill every single person in that family. It was how he worked.

Maybe there was a way he could steal the baby and deliver him to the Dark Lord himself? The thought of kidnapping a child and bringing it to its death made Severus's insides crawl. It would be for the greater good, he tried to convince himself. One life in exchange for two. Severus sighed. There was no way he could live with that.

Maybe he should go rogue, go to Dumbledore and tell him that the Dark Lord means to target the Potters. Fear crept through his body as he remembered their encounter right after Severus had overheard the prophecy. It would be worth it if it saved Lily. He could give Dumbledore all the information he needed to protect Lily and her family. Now what would he tell the Dark Lord…

It was simple. He needed to try and see if he would spare Lily. Beg, offer to go on an intense mission, something. The Dark Lord was clearly the one winning as of now, no one could deny the momentum they finally built and had going. He would work both channels to save Lily.

What would he tell him? What would be believable?

 _I want to you to spare the life of my childhood best friend,_ Severus imagined telling the Dark Lord.

 _Why?_ His icy voice scratched inside his head. _You haven't spoken in years._

 _I promised her I would save her when we were younger, no matter what._

A memory of the Dark Lord's laughter filled his mind.

Severus cringed. That wouldn't work. What would be believable?

Severus remembered from a few weeks ago when Mulciber had spoken up about wanting to join a raid in the neighborhood where the McDonalds lived. He told the Dark Lord that he had been desiring Mary since he laid eyes on her. The Dark Lord had smiled and then granted the request. That was it! He could pretend to want Lily and needed Potter and her son out of the picture. He would believe that.

"Snape," Karkaroff's annoying voice pulled Severus from his mind. "The Dark Lord wishes to meet with you now."

Severus tried to think lurid thoughts about Lily and desiring her. He had never delved into things of that nature. It wasn't working. This plan was going to fail.

Severus took a quiet deep breath. It was not the time to let his emotions get the best of him. He needed dirty thoughts in order to save Lily. Then he remembered Potter gazing off in class fifth year and he took a stab at using legilimency and caught Potter imagining Lily undressing in front of him. That's it, he needed to remember all of those inappropriate thoughts he hexed Potter for.

He moved methodically through his memories and started extracting Potter out of them. It had been himself that had been thinking those thoughts, not Potter. This would be stuff the Dark Lord could not disbelieve.

Karkaroff indicated for Severus to enter the throne room first. Once they both were in, he closed the door and knelt before the Dark Lord.

"My Lord, here is Snape," Karkaroff said before standing up and getting out of the way.

Severus took his turn at the feet of the Dark Lord and mumbled the appropriate greeting, "My Lord, what is it you desire from me?"

"Snape," the Dark Lord said with a smile as Severus looked up at him. "I have a mission for you, but I can tell there is something on your mind. Care to tell me what it is?"

Severus had the haunting suspicion that the Dark Lord had expected him to come and ask him about Lily, but he needed to ask anyway.

"Lily Evans, my lord." Severus replied.

"Who is that?" The Dark Lord asked sarcastically. "I don't recall talking about anyone of that name."

Severus let out a sigh, he knew what the Dark Lord wanted him to say.

"Lily Potter, my lord," Severus shivered as he spoke her new last name. It had been the most malicious act Potter ever could have done, marrying Lily. He would have preferred her to marry the werewolf over Potter.

"Ah yes, I seem to remember you getting along with her well during your early years at Hogwarts. What is it about her that is currently on your mind?"

"How I greatly desire that she is spared while you seek to kill the rest of her family," Severus knew it was the time to play the lurid thoughts as he looked into the Dark Lord's eyes.

The Dark Lord smirked in approval. "You desire her?"

"Greatly, my lord," Severus replied looking down and keeping down his guilt at the inappropriate thoughts.

"Well, I might be able to promise her safety if you manage to fulfill this mission." Severus looked up at the Dark Lord in anticipation of the difficult task he would require for sparing Lily. "In fact, it might even help you in this mission. Could you think of what that would be?"

Severus stared into his eyes. He had no idea what the Dark Lord would be requesting of him that his wanting Lily would be of use. He gently eased into the Dark Lord's mind, hoping to gain credit by finding what he was supposed to respond without being detected. All he saw was the image of the three Potters dead.

Severus stored that thought away and quickly searched through past interactions in hopes of piecing together what the Dark Lord wanted from him. He had taught him to duel, even had him come and watch his duels with Dumbledore. He had worked on developing Severus's occlumency skills…

"I think you found the mission," the Dark Lord said with a smile as Severus stood up in shock. "You know the old man's weakness. You know how your bullies twisted their words to seem remorseful to get out of severe punishment. Now it is time for you to get your revenge. Ask him to spare Mrs. Potter as you asked me and spill him a tale of remorse. I guarantee that he will lap it up. You will be my spy at Hogwarts and you will take down Dumbledore when it is time."

"Yes, my lord," Severus responded, for there was no other acceptable response. He knelt back down before the Dark Lord, reigning in his fear. "I will go and seek an audience with him right away."

Severus rose to leave, keeping his eyes averted from the Dark Lord. He wasn't sure he could keep the flood of emotions at bay any longer.

"Hold on," the Dark Lord hissed. "Look me in the eye."

Severus knew the Dark Lord wanted to make sure he would do everything he asked. Severus turned and looked at the Dark Lord, willing his mind to go blank. It didn't. The Dark Lord pulled up the disgust at the death of the Potters, the wishing that the Dark Lord hadn't acted on the prophecy, the lack of desire of giving up the son to spare the life of the parents.

"Figures," the Dark Lord huffed. "Know that you will die if you fail this time around and there will be nothing stopping me from making each of the Potters die a slow and painful death and tell them it was at your request."

Severus bowed, "Yes, my lord."

He left. The Dark Lord must be very angry to threaten slow and painful deaths on the Potters. He preferred to kill entire families with the killing curse. It was quick and clean. To threaten that he would go out of the way to cause them pain himself, instead of sticking torture happy Death Eaters on someone, meant that he was thoroughly irked.

The meant Severus was not likely to make it a month.


	2. Chapter 2

As soon as Severus made it back to his empty home on Spinner's End, he penned a letter to Dumbledore. He made it sound urgent and set up a meeting twenty four hours from now. He needed time to sort through everything that was going to happen.

Severus sat in his room after his quick trip to the nearest wizarding post office to post the letter to Dumbledore. He sat in his bed leaned up against the wall, tracing his lips with his finger. He needed to figure everything out.

How to save Lily? It was clear that the Dark Lord had every intention on killing her unless Severus somehow managed to perform in a manner that exceeded expectations. His expectations were already too high to begin with, so clearly relying on him would be of no use.

Severus needed to get Dumbledore to protect them. He could move them to a different country and put all that information under a fidelius charm. If the Potter boy was really the one who would defeat the Dark Lord, then he could live far away until he came of age and would come back to fight. He needed to rely on Dumbledore because the Potters are of use to him. He would be incentivized to save them…as long as he didn't decide that losing them was a way to save the kid.

Being a spy for the Dark Lord, was that something he was going to work for? It was likely that the Dark Lord would have him followed. If Severus were him and doubting the loyalty of a servant, that's what he would do. It was most likely why Karkaroff had been present at the meeting.

Right now, everyone viewed him as a coward. He should play on that perspective and pretend to be too cowardly to bring up spying on the Dark Lord for Dumbledore or switching sides. That way he could prevent the Dark Lord from getting another tunnel of information, hopefully keeping the Potters safe for longer.

What would be the consequence of failing to become the Hogwarts spy? The Dark Lord was more likely to take his threat of a slow and painful death out on Severus and not the Potters. He wouldn't hurt the chances of success in order to punish a Death Eater. Severus would die.

As he lay down to sleep, he felt peaceful about that option. His life had lost its purpose since Hogwarts. Without school to succeed in and having a choice in his life and career, his main purpose had been to save Lily. Now that she was a target, he would much rather die before finding that he had failed once again in life.

As he slipped into a fretful night of sleep, nightmares of his failures haunted him. The muggle he had killed, his father's last breaths, his mother's tortured moans, and the future he feared: Lily dead because of the prophecy he had given the Dark Lord.

He woke up to his alarm a few hours later. It was time for work, the only work he had managed to find since he left Nott's private apothecary: unloading trucks for a muggle store. He had ten NEWT's and he was stuck doing muggle manual labor.

After work, he pretended to read in his living room. It wouldn't do to have Karkaroff know he was planning something. If Karkaroff learned that Severus's meant to not become the spy, his death would take a lot longer to come by as the Dark Lord tried to understand what Severus was trying to accomplish.

The Dark Lord had stated that Dumbledore had a soft spot for remorse. Severus had to agree, anytime Black and Potter pretended to have remorse he had let them off with barely any consequences. However, with their repeat offenses, it seemed that Dumbledore's threshold for remorse was low. If he wanted to get out without helping the Dark Lord, he needed to have very low remorse standards.

What if he spun the same story he spun for the Dark Lord? He only wanted Lily spared for his own interest. While it was mostly true, he still couldn't stomach the idea of being the reason more people were dead. However, having slight truth at the base of a false memory made it a lot easier.

His motive was to convince Dumbledore that he was a lowly enough to not even care for the lives of anyone but Lily. He knew he would have to say protect all of them, but he would make it look like an afterthought. If he managed that, Dumbledore would be too disgusted in him to want him as a spy…hopefully.

As the time got closer and closer for his meeting with Dumbledore, Severus couldn't help but start nervously pacing. Dumbledore had been very upset when he saw that Severus had heard the prophecy. It had been the most frightening experience of his life as a Death Eater, including when he stepped in to cover the Dark Lord's back against Dumbledore in a duel when some cowardly Order members had attacked the Dark Lord from behind.

Here's how it would go:

Dumbledore would appear, _what would you like to talk about? Your letter said it was urgent._

 _I told the Dark Lord about the prophecy and deeply regret it._ He would reply. _He means to target my best friend who I swore to protect: Lily Evans!_

 _Oh my, that is important information. Do you know why he chose them over the Longbottoms?_

 _I have no idea, I was not privy to that conversation. All I know is that he has chosen the Potters and I need Lily to be safe._

 _What? You do not care for the life of James and Harry Potter?_

He would then let his conversation with the Dark Lord play from when he asked what was on his mind to when he promised to save Lily in exchange for success on a mission. He could not let Dumbledore see what the mission was, he needed him to be repulsed.

 _Save all of them then,_ he would reply after playing the memory. _I just wanted to warn you for Lily's sake. I am taking a great risk to be here!_

 _Very well, get out of my sight vermin! I don't want to see you ever again or I will end your selfish life!_

Then he would have no chance of asking to be the spy and it would look like he was too cowardly to face Dumbledore. Then he thought about the almost death threat he had received the last time he ran into Dumbledore. Hadn't he told him to watch out if Severus told the Dark Lord about the prophecy?

What if Dumbledore killed him before he told him about the Potters being targeted? It would be the worst, his entire purpose in going to save Lily would fail. The idea frightened him more than helping the Dark Lord by becoming his spy inside Hogwarts.

His watch beeped, it was time.


	3. Chapter 3

Severus apparated to the designated meeting spot. It was empty, luckily, but the weather increased his nervousness. If he died now, Lily would be in greater danger. There was a flash of light and Severus found himself wandless and on his knees.

"Don't kill me!" Severus called, recognizing that Dumbledore was using dark magic.

"That was not my intention." Dumbledore replied calmly.

Severus took some time to catch his breath. He had not expected to be caught off guard like that, the Dark Lord had trained him to be more careful. He needed to calm down and clear his mind.

"Well, Severus? What message does Lord Voldemort have for me?"

"No—no message," Severus hadn't expected this, "I'm here on my own account!"

Severus stood up and tried to avoid pacing, "I—I come with a warning—no, a request—please—"

He couldn't think straight. What was wrong with him? He had planned this conversation all day. Suddenly the wind stopped howling and blowing Severus about. Somehow the stillness sunk deeper and Severus felt calmer.

"What request could a Death Eater make of me?" Dumbledore asked coldly.

"The—the prophecy…the prediction….Trelawney…" Severus saw that Dumbledore was in his mind. They were reliving their last encounter.

"Ah, yes. How much did you relay to Lord Voldemort?"

"Everything—everything I heard! That is why—it is for that reason—" Severus couldn't believe that he was following the train of thought Dumbledore was leading him on. He had hoped to have this conversation on his terms. "He thinks it means Lily Evans!"

"The prophecy did not refer to a woman. It spoke of a boy born at the end of July—"

"You know what I mean!" Severus tried to calm down. Dumbledore was just like the Dark Lord and everyone else, he was used to impertinence like this. "He thinks it means her son, he is going to hunt her down—kill them all—"

"If she means so much to you, surely Lord Voldemort will spare her? Could you not ask for mercy for the mother, in exchange for the son?"

Severus permitted the memory of his request to the Dark Lord to surface, "I have—I have asked him—"

"You disgust me!"

It was working. Severus looked down to hide the triumph. He couldn't let it slip like he let it slip in front of the Dark Lord. He could regain control of this situation.

"You do not care, then, about the deaths of her husband and child? They can die, as long as you have what you want?"

Severus thought about the need to save Lily being more important and looked up at Dumbledore.

"Hide them all, then. Keep her—them—safe. Please."

He took a deep breath and kept his mind clear.

"And what will you give me in return, Severus?"

"In—in return?" Severus gaped at Dumbledore. He was risking his life to share information to save Lily, what could he possibly mean. Then it hit Severus like a rock. Dumbledore wanted a spy, how could he have overlooked that possibility? Was there something he could say to make it measured? The Dark Lord hadn't given him any special information that would be of use to Dumbledore other than what he had already told him.

Severus knew what he had to say in order to not be suspicious in front of Karkaroff. As he looked inside of himself, he knew it was the same as what he would answer if he answered truthfully: "Anything."

"Very well, I think you already have an idea of what I have in mind," Dumbledore replied.

Severus nodded. He knew Dumbledore was legilimens just like the Dark Lord.

"Professor Slughorn has put in his papers to resign at the end of this term. If I remember correctly, you were quite talented when it came to potions. A posting should appear in tomorrow's Daily Prophet, respond to it immediately. I don't want Lord Voldemort to get suspicious, but I do realize you have been looking for work for quite a while."

Severus nodded, remembering how his interview for the Defense Against the Dark Arts post had been cancelled after his spying on Trelawney's interview last year. Even then he had been out of a job for six months. It was only after losing the possibility of working at Hogwarts that he had applied to work for the muggles in order to survive.

"Our next meeting will be an interview and then I will bring you on to work with Professor Slughorn for the last month. Starting June 1st, you will live under my protection at Hogwarts. I will hide your involvement with the Death Eaters until legal charges are raised against you and I will protect you as long as you have lived up to your end of the bargain, understood?"

"Yes, sir," Severus replied.

"You may go, good luck."

Severus nodded at Dumbledore's well wishes and turned to disapparate back to his house.

Severus swore loudly as soon as he closed his front door.

**Most of the dialogue is taken from Prince's Tale


	4. Chapter 4

This was it. His life was ruined. Funny how he had imagined last year that life at Hogwarts would be nice and now he felt like it was the worst.

He would be a spy for both of them. He would be helping the Dark Lord and he knew he would have to hide the fact that the Dark Lord had requested him to do this from Dumbledore because he failed to expose the whole memory. Maybe he should have shown Dumbledore the whole memory. Then he wouldn't have asked him to be a spy and would have killed him on the spot instead.

Now Dumbledore thought he was some crazy pervert that he can use as a spy until the war is over and then cast him side as worthless trash. Now Dumbledore had zero incentive to try and save Lily over her son. Hopefully he would protect all of them. And now Severus had to carefully occlude that the Dark Lord had made this request or he would take his warning as a false trail.

Why couldn't he just be dead? That would have ended their conversation nicely. _What will you give me in return?_

 _Please kill me quickly so I can avoid the long and painful death the Dark Lord has waiting for me._

Of course Dumbledore would not have gone for that. He preferred to send people to Azkaban so they could live the rest of their lives remembering all the horrible things that happened to them. Severus didn't need dementors, he relived his worst memories as he slept every night.

Severus needed to calm down and go report to the Dark Lord. He watched his watch tick and counted breaths. Once he was sure he was in control of his emotions, he left the house and apparated to the Dark Lord.

Karkaroff was the one who greeted him. "Come to report?"

Severus nodded and Karkaroff stuck his head in the door, "Snape is here to report to you."

"Very good, let him in." The voice of the Dark Lord replied.

Karkaroff stood out of the way and indicated for Severus to enter. Severus plastered a large smile on his face.

"I have great news, my lord," Severus said as he knelt before the Dark Lord.

"I told you the old man had a soft spot for remorse," the Dark Lord said with a smile, indicating for Severus to stand.

"He informed me that he is looking for a new potions professor. He recommended that I take the job so I could be under his protection as I turn spy against you."

"Perfect, now all I need to do is feed you enough information to keep you in his good graces and he will give you everything I need to defeat him. Excellent."

"Yes, my lord. My first task is to apply for the post tomorrow, then he will interview me to make it look like we never met other than professionally."

"He never doubted for a moment that you were there on your own and not as a messenger from me?"

"No, my lord. He was too preoccupied with the prophecy."

"Even better, this means he will be putting all his energy in protecting the Potters and we can take advantage of his distraction."

There was a pause before the Dark Lord added, "I will meet with you the same time tomorrow with the information I want you to give Dumbledore at the interview. Besides applying for the job, I want you to work on your occlumency skills. Weave me a convincing story that you have talked to and been close to Mrs. Potter since leaving Hogwarts."

"Yes, my lord." Severus said, kneeling once again.

"You may go now."

Severus left and returned home. He went to his room and sat on his bed, alternating between hitting his head on the wall and staring at nothing.

The next morning, after not sleeping a wink, he apparated to Diagon Alley instead of work. He needed a copy of the Daily Prophet in order to apply to the job. He went to Gringotts and exchanged some of his muggle wages into knuts and sickles. Then he bought a copy of the Daily Prophet from the closest vendor and apparated home.

He flipped to the classified section and found the posting. He pulled out one of the few remaining pieces of parchment from his old school trunk and wrote a letter to Dumbledore inquiring about getting the job. He carefully mentioned everything in the description and how he fulfilled the requirements. He folded it up and went to the nearest magical post office and sent it with the fastest owl with his remaining sickles.

He went to work late and obliviated the supervisor to think he had been on time to work. While he began his mindless work of unloading the truck and filling shelves, he imagined a happy story where Lily had re-extended a hand of friendship after graduation. He had even been invited to the wedding until James Potter threatened to kill him if he showed up. He then intertwined the truth of him rescuing her at various battles to make them more believable.

He lay down and stared at the ceiling after work. He didn't want to sleep and sleep was evading him. He was caught off guard when there was a tapping at the window. There was an owl.

It held Professor Dumbledore's response. An interview tomorrow morning, good thing the Dark Lord was meeting him tonight or he would not have any more information to give Dumbledore. He couldn't screw up so early in the game and not have new information for Dumbledore. It would erode his position as useful spy.


	5. Chapter 5

Dumbledore invited Severus back to Hogwarts and into his office between the interview and the first of June. Severus made his way to the headmaster's office in the company of a suspicious Professor McGonagall.

"I can't believe Albus is letting you into the castle again," McGonagall complained. "We all know you hung with the Death Eater crowd and here you show up in black robes that look awfully like the garb Death Eaters wear."

"He requested to see me. That is all." Severus replied, not wanting to start an argument.

"Yes, see you about taking on the potions master position, but you haven't been working for an apothecary for the past year and a half. I've done my research. I'm pretty sure you have been working for You-Know-Who instead."

"Quite lofty accusations," Severus replied calmly. He didn't feel threatened by McGonagall. "I left Nott's private apothecary over a private disagreement. I have been seeking gainful employment ever since."

"That's not what I've heard," McGonagall whispered.

"What have you heard?" Severus asked out of curiosity.

"You've been training with You-Know-Who. That you have climbed the ranks of the Death Eaters faster than anyone else. That you are the one who is to kill Albus Dumbledore."

Two out of three isn't a bad guess, he would have to keep an eye on McGonagall. Somehow she had a good source for rumors.

"All rumors, unfortunately," Severus said. "I wouldn't be here groveling for a job a few short years after graduation if I were in that type of favor with the—with You-Know-Who. Besides, I wouldn't dream of being capable of dueling the man who beat Gellert Grindelwald and win, but if it makes you feel more comfortable, you can take my wand until after my meeting with Dumbledore. I won't need it."

Severus pulled his wand from his pocket and presented it to her. He wasn't sure why he was trying to get on McGonagall's good side, it wasn't like she would stand up to protect him when Dumbledore found him worthless and cast him aside.

She eyed his wand and then looked at him suspiciously. "Know if this is a trick, I know who you are and where you currently reside. I won't take your wand, but I will have a letter ready to send to the ministry if anything happens."

She then gave the password to the gargoyle for the headmaster's office quietly so that Severus couldn't overhear it. He rolled his eyes and bid her farewell as he took the stairs up to the office.

* * *

"Severus!" Dumbledore exclaimed as he entered the office. "Have a seat, any jelly babies for you?"

"No thank you, sir." Severus said as he took a seat.

"Tea?"

"I suppose," Severus replied as Dumbledore conjured a tea tray right next to his chair.

"Very well, have a seat and let's get to business," Dumbledore stated. Severus took the tea cup from the tray. "I would like to offer you the position of Potions Master and Head of Slytherin House."

"Head of Slytherin?" Severus repeated, forgetting the tea cup halfway up to his mouth.

"Yes, we are unfortunately short of professors from the Slytherin house. It would be a bit odd to give that position to a senior professor who came from another house. I think the students would feel much better about having a younger professor from their own house and if you take the teaching position you will be qualified as—"

"The most senior professor from the house," Severus completed the thought.

"Exactly," Dumbledore continued. "Now, what do you say about this arrangement?"

"I completely accept," Severus said with fake enthusiasm. He honestly wanted to be excited, but he couldn't find it in him. It would be great to have a respectable job that used his talents instead of unloading tucks and stocking shelves, what was wrong with him? Oh yeah, just the pressure of being a double agent.

"Wonderful," Dumbledore said much more genuine than Severus's response. "Because you will be undertaking the extra burden of being head of house, I felt it would be best if you moved into Hogwarts early in order to learn the responsibilities of the head of house. I have spoken with Professor Slughorn and he has agreed to teach you during the month of June. He figures his students will just be reviewing for exams so it will not be a burden. Are you available to start on the first of June?"

"Yes," Severus replied, realizing they were going through the motions so that Severus would have a memory for the Dark Lord.

"Then I have nothing more to say," Dumbledore said standing up. "Now I need to get going for a meeting. Feel free to stay and finish your cup of tea."

Before Severus knew it, he was alone in the headmaster's office. He took his first sip of tea and continued to sit in shock. At least he had the job now and a fake memory, not that it would be of use, the Dark Lord knew everything. He was a much better Legilimens than Dumbledore.

Severus would never have been able to hide the memory of the Dark Lord requesting Snape to be the spy from the Dark Lord—not only because he was in the memory, but because of how deeply it worried him. Somehow Dumbledore had believed his story about only wanting Lily to be saved when the Dark Lord did not. It seemed to be his fate since arriving at Hogwarts as an eleven year old for the Slytherins to think he was too good and the Gryffindors to think him too evil.

The door to the office opened and Severus would have spilled his tea all over himself if he hadn't just barely drained the cup. Dumbledore had returned. Severus felt that was better than McGonagall discovering him alone in the headmaster's office.

"Now, on to business," Dumbledore said as he took his seat behind the desk again. "I'm glad to see you haven't been snooping."

Severus realized he just passed some arbitrary test. He should get used to being subjected to those types of tests. Spies could not be trusted easily.

"Now, do you have any news you would like to share with me?"

"Yes, there is a raid to take place on the McKinnon home in three weeks. They are high on his list of people to be taken care of this summer. I think they are actually higher than the Potters as of right now."

"Very well, what is the exact date?"

"May 22nd, he plans on taking a small group so even if you just add a few more Or—people who could by chance be visiting, I think you will be able to not look like you have insider information."

"Will you be present at this raid?"

"No, he is taking his expert killers and I'm—"

"Not one of his killers," Severus felt Dumbledore enter his mind as he finished Severus's sentence. He was pulling up the memory where the Dark Lord was calling Severus a coward for not killing Moody when he had the chance. Then came the memory of when he used sectumsempra to cut off the auror Moody's leg instead of killing him. "I see."

Severus nodded, worried about how easily he entered and found those memories.

"Yes," Dumbledore responded to his concerns. "I do think we will need to work on developing your occlumency skills if you are to survive. I will help you create false memories, like I did when I left you alone to finish your tea."

Severus nodded as he set the said tea cup down. He stood up, "Anything else you want from me?"

Dumbledore picked up a folder from his desk, "This folder reads secret plans. I want you to take it to Voldemort. I will leave the office once again and you can pretend to sleuth around my office and find it before you leave. I have requested the other professors to leave you alone so you will not have to worry about anyone trying to stop you, but please be a little discreet.

"I also am having you take the folder instead of claiming to overhear the information because handing him something solid will help keep Voldemort from perusing your false memories too closely. It will help you maintain your cover."

He winked and then set the folder back down. He left Severus alone in the office and he almost wished he had a glass of alcohol to finish instead of the cup of tea he had already finished. He made his way to the desk and picked up the folder. He could falsify the sleuthing memory to present to the Dark Lord because it didn't have to be good. The Dark Lord would uncover the true memory anyway, though it would be interesting to see if the tangible object did distract him enough.

He created a false memory as he exited the castle. He immediately went to meet the Dark Lord at his current hiding place.

"My lord, I have information from the Order," Severus said as he bowed low. He was still very aware how low on the hierarchy he was among Death Eaters.

"What did Dumbledore tell you?" The Dark Lord asked with a hint of eagerness.

Severus presented the file of papers and filled his mind with the memory of him stealing them from his desk after the interview.

"Will I be able to use this information without Dumbledore suspecting you?" The Dark Lord asked, distracted as he flipped through the folder.

Severus smirked, the Dark Lord had been distracted enough to not notice the memory was fabricated. Dumbledore might be a worse legilimens, but he did know the Dark Lord's weakness.

"Yes, because he told me to give to you and tell you that I stole it," Severus responded, masking his giddiness at having slipped under the Dark Lord's radar as giddiness at earning trust from Dumbledore so quickly.

The Dark Lord looked back at Severus and he could feel him re-enter his mind.

"Don't worry, my lord," Severus said as he relived the full memory with Dumbledore. "You would have discovered it if I didn't have a tangible object to hand you. It was a clever distraction."

"Dumbledore thinks he is so funny pointing out my weaknesses," the Dark Lord spat. "He is wrong, I am a better legilimens than he is. I would have discovered it before you left without you stating anything, but I appreciate your honesty in following his instructions. It will make it easier to deceive him."

"I already have experience that shows that you are a better legilimens than he," Severus said, bowing once again. "He will be the one fooled and not you."

"Picking up flattery now, Severus? That seems unusual for you."

"I need a favor of you, my lord," Severus said. "I want to be as good in your books as I can."

"Favor?"

"Sparing Lily Evans, my lord."

The Dark Lord stared at him, Severus knew what he was wanting Severus to say.

"Sparing Lily Potter," Severus replied, closing his eyes as he spoke the last word. The Dark Lord smiled.

"Yes, if you continue to prove faithful in this assignment, I will spare Mrs. Potter."

After a moment's pause, Severus asked, "Is there anything you want me to pass to him when I return to the castle in a month?"

"Yes, tell him that I am sending a decoy raid on the Longbottom home in hopes that he will think I am actually after the Longbottoms instead of the Potters. It is set for July 3rd."

"Very well, my lord. What context would you like me to give the memory?"

"Show it as a meeting of Death Eaters where you were nearly picked to battle, but I decided I needed another polyjuice potion brewed instead."

"Yes, my lord, anything else you require of me?"

"No, that is all."


	6. Chapter 6

**This is the chapter that I deemed T to be more appropriate than K+. Torture victims discussed as non-graphically as possible while still getting the picture across. **

The novelty of being able to trick both Dumbledore (or Albus as he requested to be called now that they were on the level of colleagues) and the Dark Lord wore off quickly. As the term ended and students left Hogwarts, Severus dreaded the summer, knowing it would be treacherous waters.

The only good part was that Dumbledore was permitting him to remain at Hogwarts to create lesson plans so he could use the school facilities to go over some of the potions he would be having students make. There were a few that Severus wanted to review to see if they would be too dangerous. It was quite nice to be in an empty Hogwarts.

On July 3rd, Severus could feel the Dark Lord summoning him. He didn't have anything new to share, Severus wondered what it could be as he wandered over the dark grounds to beyond the gates. He knew they were launching a fake attack on the Longbottoms, but he was told he had nothing to do with that raid?

He apparated and found himself in an unfamiliar town. He looked and found hordes of Death Eaters and associates pouring in and out of a building. Severus assumed that was where the Dark Lord was and entered to find the house beyond crowded. What was going on?

He found the Dark Lord and knelt before him, "My lord, you have summoned me and I am here."

"Good evening, Severus," the Dark Lord said with a smile that made Severus uneasy. Whatever he wanted to ask him next was a quest to overcome some recent short-coming, Severus knew from his expression. "I need to you to deliver a package. I think it best if you write a letter to accompany it."

"As you wish, my lord," Severus replied, wondering what it would be.

"Lucius!" The Dark Lord called out. "Bring the first muggle."

A hooded and masked Death Eater drug a body from the center of the ring of Death Eaters over to the Dark Lord. Severus immediately noted they were using an entrails exposing curse. The muggle seemed lucky enough to be unconscious. It was a painful curse.

Lucius deposited the muggle in front of the Dark Lord and Severus was grateful he had his cloak and mask on. It was Mr. Evans. Mr. Evans had never liked Severus, but he was glad Mr. Evans could not come to and realize his daughter's ex-friend was part of the group torturing him.

"Do you recognize him?" The Dark Lord asked as he stood up and grabbed Mr. Evans' limp arm.

"I do, my lord," Severus knew it would be pointless to lie.

"Sectumsempra," the Dark Lord muttered, pointing the wand at the old man's hands. The finger bearing his wedding band fell off.

Severus blocked all feeling.

The Dark Lord waved his wand and the finger was magically enclosed in a brown paper package.

"Take him back," the Dark Lord barked to Lucius, who obliged and dragged the unconscious man with half of his intestines on the outside of his body back into the center of the Death Eater interest. It was clearly a torture fest and dark magic teaching extravaganza.

Once Lucius and Mr. Evans had disappeared, the Dark Lord spoke again.

"Now write exactly what I say."

Severus turned back and saw that there was now a quill and parchment before him. He grabbed the quill and prepared to write.

"Mr. and Mrs. Potter,

We have the Evans as you can see from the enclosed package. Bring your son to where their hideout used to be and you will be able to exchange your son for the freedom of the Evans. If you come without your son, the Evans will be disposed of immediately. You have until dawn."

Severus stood back and the quill disappeared. The Dark Lord handed him the letter and the package containing Mr. Evans' finger.

"You can deliver these in person or by owl, the choice is yours."

Severus nodded and bowed before exiting the house. He apparated to a park near where his grandfather used to live. He dropped the blood spotted package and letter before falling to his knees.

He could not believe it. This was his test. Dumbledore's test was a lot nicer. What was he going to do? Obviously he couldn't deliver the package and note in person. He would be a fool to do so. It would be putting a death sentence on his head. Would Dumbledore believe him that he had no idea this was going to happen?

If he sent the letter and package, he knew Lily would leave her son behind and attempt a rescue mission. This would be certain death for her and anyone who joined her as the house was crawling with Death Eaters and associates. He couldn't let that happen.

If the Dark Lord knew he failed to deliver the letter, he would be publicly humiliated, tortured, and eventually killed. Being back at Hogwarts had been nice, he wasn't quite ready to lose all of that. So he would simply have to make sure the Dark Lord did not know what he did. He had been practicing occlumency. Dumbledore and the Dark Lord had both been giving him tips.

Severus pulled out his wand and magically dug a hole in the ground. He deposited the package and letter and magically covered it.

"May you rest in peace," Severus whispered. This meant the death of the Evans was now his fault, but his priority was to save Lily. She would get herself killed if he didn't do this.

He apparated to his usual magical post office and paid for an owl. He told the owl to fly to Hogwarts and back before apparating back to the house and returned to the Dark Lord.

"I have sent the message," Severus said as he knelt before the Dark Lord.

The Dark Lord motioned for Severus to stand, knowing he wanted to look in his eyes. He suppressed the feelings of guilt, leaving just enough feeling that the Dark Lord would understand that he greatly regretted the task, but his loyalty was first and foremost to the Dark Lord.

The Dark Lord eyed him suspiciously, but he seemed to find nothing wrong. "Go and organize a watch. We don't want to be taken unawares."

Severus nodded, bowed, and exited the house.

He set wards on the perimeter and set some of the Death Eaters outside the house to join him in watching certain sections. He kept his mind clear as he watched the horizon from the roof, trying to not think of the unspeakable horrors Mr. and Mrs. Evans were suffering.

Severus let out a sigh of relief when the dawn came and people started leaving the house. He thought he was free to go, but a voice Severus recognized as Lucius summoned him into the house to speak to the Dark Lord once more.

The bodies of Mr. and Mrs. Evans was on the floor, mangled. Severus did his best to avoid looking at them as his mind would analyse the damage to discover what spells they had been subjected to. He turned his attention to the Dark Lord.

"They didn't come," the Dark Lord hissed.

"They did not, my lord."

"Why didn't they come?"

Severus shrugged. "Perhaps they deemed the new life more worthy of living than the old?"

The Dark Lord approached and roughly grabbed Severus by the shoulders. He looked him fiercely in the eye. Severus allowed the memory of him ordering an owl post and handing the package and letter to the owl once he left the post office. He suppressed all feelings.

Rage crossed the Dark Lord's face. "They should have come! I know them, they would do anything to save their loved ones!"

"Perhaps they were distracted at the Longbottoms?" Severus suggested, remembering that he had told Dumbledore about that raid.

The Dark Lord looked back into his mind and searched for the memory of when Severus told Dumbledore about that raid. Severus hadn't thought his response to be anything of note, and, as the Dark Lord considered Severus, it seemed the Dark Lord could not decipher anything from that meeting either.

"I admire your obedience when clearly it is not something you want to do. I will increase your rank at the next Death Eater gathering for your dedication," the Dark Lord said with a smile. "Though I know how those muggles treated you, I find it hard to believe that you weren't dying to join in and give them revenge. I will leave it to you to report these deaths to the proper authority."

Severus closed his eyes. He knew the Dark Lord was mocking him for being a wimp. He had lived all his life thinking of the dark arts as a way of self-defense that performing it in a proactive way was difficult for him. If it weren't for the spying-gig, Severus would surely be dead for failing to be an aggressor.

He bowed, "As you wish, my lord."

With that the Dark Lord disappeared with a crack and Severus was alone with Lily's dead parents.


	7. Chapter 7

It was late morning by the time Severus was making his way back up to the castle. He was tired and irritated. The muggle police officers were ridiculous in their questions, but they had phoned Petunia and tried to phone Lily. He hoped the Dark Lord would not delve too far into his mind about the situation. It was a petty task, taking care of the dead. Severus was surprised (but grateful) that the Dark Lord hadn't kept their bodies for inferi. Inferi of people's family members were a much harder form of inferi to deal with, especially if they didn't already know they were dead…

As he entered the castle, he hoped he wouldn't run into anyone. Most of the teachers were gone, all except for McGonagall and Dumbledore. He especially didn't want to run into Dumbledore because he hadn't decided how much of everything he wanted to share with him.

What should he tell Dumbledore? If Dumbledore thought for a second that Severus knew in advance what was going to happen with the Evans, he would completely mistrust him. It would be best if he didn't know, especially since Severus took the liberty of not allowing Dumbledore to make a decision on how to proceed. Dumbledore might have rejected Severus's plan and wasted lives in sending people to rescue the Evans. No, his not knowing was good. Dumbledore was easy enough to fool with occlumency.

His feet had carried him to his new home. Severus collapsed onto his bed. He would just need to convince Dumbledore that he had just gone out of the castle for new scenery. It had nothing to do with being a Death Eater.

His mind was racing too much for Severus to fall asleep. It was a mixture of images of the tortured, mangled bodies of the Evans in the car and ranting frustration about how stuck Severus felt. Dumbledore didn't trust him and the Dark Lord did not trust him. They both only gave him the information to pass on, he knew no more and no less and had no say in what was advantageous. He was completely powerless.

In all honesty, Severus didn't know what he would do if he could tip the scales in one direction of another. It was probably bothering him only because he wanted some form of power to get back at the Dark Lord for springing all of this on him. He wanted the power to teach them both to treat him nicely, though really only the Dark Lord has been unkind. Not saying that Dumbledore had been kind, but he was treating Severus nicer than anyone had in a long time.

What had been the nicest thing anyone had done for him? His grandfather had been mostly kind: taking him in weeks at a time, teaching him all sorts of things, permitting him to have biscuits in the middle of the night when he couldn't sleep. He wondered if Nott had fabricated the memory where he claimed to have heard Severus's grandfather claim he wished Severus had never been born. Then again, his grandfather had taken a lot of the pureblood preaching to heart and a half-blood grandson had been something shameful.

Lily had been nice too: sending biscuits to Severus when she found out that he never got any sweets at home, refusing to listen to her parents when they told her to stop being his friend because she knew he wasn't a bad person, listening to all of his academic and political rants even if she didn't believe everything he was saying.

His mother had been nice too, but it came and went. It was nice that she had made him dinner every night for at least a year before her death. The Mulcibers as a family had been nice in taking him in at times as needed. The Malfoys were a bit spotty. He hadn't really talked with Lucius since he had refused the honor of torturing some specific muggle, but whenever Lucius had invited him for dinner they had been kind.

Sleep found Severus as he thought upon happier times.

* * *

It was the start of term. It came suddenly and with a vengeance. Severus wished the relaxing pace of summer would have stayed longer. Unfortunately, life was not one to slow time when a dreadful event was coming.

The first years had been the easiest group. They were intimidated with his billowing cloak and sharp voice. They didn't take any reminding on who was in charge, like the second, third, and fourth years had.

The absolute worse class was the seventh year NEWT class.

He had entered the room and magically slammed the door behind him when he entered. The friendly chatter had not stopped.

"Silence," he had told them curtly. "It is time for class to begin and if you hope to pass the potions NEWT with high marks, we need every minute of this class to prepare you."

"Like you know potions any better than us," one of the students had called out. "It's not like you have experience past your NEWT's."

"If that's the case, everyone pull out their cauldrons and make me the Elixir to Induce Euphoria due at the end of class." Severus had snapped.

"Why would we want to do that?" a familiar looking student called out. "It is much easier to perform a cheering charm."

Half the class laughed.

"Silence! I am the professor here and I will dictate what goes on in this classroom. If you think the Elixir to Induce Euphoria is a waste of time, then impress me and brew a love potion antidote."

"Is that because you are going to slip one of us a love potion?" The familiar student called back. "I daresay that'll be the only way you would get anyone to bed you. I mean, we all saw what you had to offer, Snivellus."

The entire class sniggered.

"50 points from Ravenclaw for speaking out of turn and disrespecting a professor. If you speak another word this class, you will get a detention." Snape had called through the laughter, hoping his face wasn't red with embarrassment.

"Whatever you say, Professor Snivellus," the Ravenclaw student dared mock. The class laughed even harder.

"Detention!" Snape shouted. He then proceeded to take 20 points from every student in the classroom. He wrote a note for the student Lockhart to take to Professor Flitwick.

"You are expected to complete this assignment by the end of class as well, I don't accept disrupting the class as an excuse for tardy work." Severus hissed as Lockhart left the classroom.

For all their laughing and mocking, not a single student managed to brew an acceptable elixir or antidote. Unfortunately, the title Professor Snivellus made the rounds and he had several instances of students in other classes using it under their breath.

The worst part of the entire situation was that Professor McGonagall felt the need to bring it up at a staff meeting. It was humiliating to be discussed like he couldn't handle discipline within his own classroom. Though, Severus had to admit that having every professor be on the lookout for the disrespectful title and take away house points for each instance would be the most effective way to stop it.

It was times like this that it was nice to have the distraction of being a double agent. It was an excuse to leave the castle and forget about how his past experiences as a student were affecting his teaching.


	8. Chapter 8

By October, Severus was once again annoyed at how everything had played out. Classes were unbearable as students didn't seem to understand why Severus asked them to do specific things even when he explained why to them five times already. When he wasn't dealing with classes and grading essays that didn't even answer the assignment, he was running in between Dumbledore and the Dark Lord.

Severus tried not to let things get to him, but he had no power over his circumstances. Dumbledore didn't trust Severus enough to tell him much more than the fact that the Potters were in a safe house. The Dark Lord no longer had Severus attend Death Eater meetings and he was now meeting only one-on-one with both of them. It was really irritating.

At night, when Severus tried to fall asleep, he couldn't help but think of Lily alone and defenseless against the Dark Lord. He started having regular nightmares of her dead all because of a silly prophecy. Divination was the only subject he hadn't taken at Hogwarts and it felt like it was haunting him. The one realm that he had underestimated was now wrecking his life and sanity.

Mid-October the Daily Prophet arrived with a ruined Potter Mansion on the front page. Severus panicked and searched the article. The Potters had survived. He let out a sigh of relief and glanced down the head table to watch Dumbledore. He had to wait until their meeting that night to ask questions, but they were burning inside of him all day.

"What will you do now that the Death Eaters had managed to break into the safe house?" Severus demanded the moment he entered the headmaster's office that evening.

"What is it to you?" Dumbledore asked serenely,turning a page of the Daily Prophet as if this weren't a life and death matter.

"I want to know that Lily will be safe," Severus retorted, thinking it obvious as that was the reason why he defected in the first place.

"The Potters are safe," Dumbledore stated. "We will be moving them to a home protected by the fidelius charm once we determine the right place and right secret keeper."

"Lily would be the best secret keeper," Severus mumbled as he sat down, but he knew Dumbledore wouldn't listen. Any of the self-proclaimed marauders were too trusting of their friends. Dumbledore had been the one to inform Severus about the presence of a Death Eater spy among the Order, but he had heard it confirmed on his most recent meeting with the Dark Lord.

"Are you saying you have information on who the spy is?" Dumbledore asked, starting to lower the newspaper.

"No, but he let slip something about there being a spy. He won't tell me as it is too valuable to him at the moment," Severus said looking down.

"I expect not, let's not try to press it from him. I've been trying to piece information out so we can finally catch the spy, but it might take several more months for it to flesh out." Dumbledore replied, fully setting down the newspaper. "Let's get on with the real part of our meeting."

* * *

That night, instead of seeing images of Lily's corpse in the burning wreckage of the Potter Mansion, Severus thought about where his loyalties lay. It had been an odd day, fearing that Lily was dead this morning and then finding out she was fine to seeing Dumbledore and the Dark Lord. Severus thought and couldn't really understand which side he was on.

He wanted Lily to live and she was a member of the Order. He had gotten the Dark Lord to promise to spare her (as he became the spy on his behalf) but he had also gotten Dumbledore to take larger measures to protect them. However, Dumbledore was still operating under the impression that Severus was at Hogwarts of his own volition and not because the Dark Lord had demanded it of him. In that way he was helping the Dark Lord.

It was like he didn't have a side in the war. It wasn't good guys and bad guys, it was a battle of the two smartest wizards alive. The Dark Lord and Dumbledore were playing mind games and Severus was in the middle. He was a glorified owl. He scowled at the thought. This was not the type of future he had wanted, but then again, life before he came back to Hogwarts hadn't been what he had wanted either. To live out his days in menial labor like his father just to keep food on the table, it was no wonder his father had turned to drinking.

What side would he be on if he could choose? That was the interesting question. Dumbledore seems nice on the outside, but he was emotionally manipulative and failed to give Severus any recognition. Severus always left his meetings with Dumbledore drowning in guilt or in fear that he had not performed good enough and would be turned in to the ministry. The Dark Lord, on the other hand, gave Severus recognition, but he was physically brutal. Not having enough information would earn him a torture session with a threat that a major failure would result in his death. The risks were high with both of them.

The recollection of Dumbledore's fury after Severus had overheard the prophecy made Severus shudder. Yes, Dumbledore was as likely to turn violent for major failures. Really, Severus had no reason to upset either of them. They both promised to protect Lily, as long as Lily lived he would try his best to stay in both of their good books.

If the Dark Lord got to Lily and spared her, it would be clear that Dumbledore failed. Severus would keep his front up and keep the holding at Hogwarts until the order came from the Dark Lord to kill the headmaster. Severus would then kill the headmaster so the Dark Lord could take Hogwarts, as was the plan. Severus would continue the façade and even feign to see eye-to-eye with Dumbledore if that were the case.

If the call to kill the headmaster came before Lily was discovered, then it was Dumbledore who had succeeded. He would inform the headmaster of the plans and work with him on what would be done. Severus was willing to die if that was the case. It would be hard for the Dark Lord to find someone else to take Severus's spot, besides, the Dark Lord had been training Severus to be able to duel Dumbledore as equals since he first joined the Death Eaters at 16. The Dark Lord would be set back at least five years; hopefully that would be enough for Dumbledore to continue to protect Lily.

Severus blocked out of his mind at the possibility of the option that both would fail him. This was a partnership, a bargain. He had been upholding his part for both of them. They both owed him. Therefore, there was nothing to worry about.


	9. Chapter 9

It was Halloween. Severus was quite glad that it was a Saturday as he did not think he could have survived attempting to teach the rambunctious children. He could see no reason why they would suddenly act more immature than usual, but that must be the holidays.

Dumbledore and the Dark Lord had been unusually quiet. He knew the Dark Lord was getting close to moving in on the Potters and that he was going to be left out of the loop when that happened. Severus had to hope that while he couldn't vouch for the character of Sirius Black that he would at least remain true to his best friend James Potter. The thought of Sirius Black holding Lily's fate in his hand worried Severus, almost more than when he heard she was to marry James Potter.

Severus was lucky that Dumbledore had even told him who the Secret Keeper was for the Potters. It was the first piece of information he was trusted with that he was not to hand over to the Dark Lord. Ever since that meeting, they had only conversed professionally. He couldn't help but think that he was plotting something else about the Potters. He knew he was being paranoid, but he couldn't persuade himself that it was anything different.

All that he had today was to grade papers and give the first part of several detentions for Lockhart who had acquired a vat of love potion and tried to see what would happen when people gave themselves love potion. As he had started out passing it around in class, it had led to a bit of a scene. He would be accompanied by a few of his accomplices, but it would not be any fun. However, he did need to replenish his supply of love potion antidote and this was the perfect opportunity to prep them for their NEWT's and get the antidote supply back up.

The papers were all graded and the classroom all set up for detention when Severus left for the Halloween feast. It unnerved him slightly, as he hadn't finished grading so early in a weekend since he took the teaching post. He really needed to bug Dumbledore tomorrow about everything. He could not stay in the dark for too long as the Dark Lord would be calling, expecting information.

The feast was in excess as usual. Dumbledore had gone to the lengths of getting some horrid sounding musical group to play before the feast. Then they were presented with more food than the entire school could eat. He felt like it would be better to host something like this on a street in a neighborhood like the one he grew up in. Let the famished kids eat something good for once.

It was during pudding while Severus was taking role of the Slytherins present—to know who would be causing trouble or if there were students in distress—when despair suddenly hit him. It felt like the world was ending around him. He feared that it was the end. The Dark Lord decided Severus's spying efforts weren't good enough that he was going to kidnap Lily and kill her in front of him. Lily was going to be dead and it would all be his fault.

He quickly suppressed the emotion and let it hum in the background with the rest of his negative feelings. He finished accounting for all of the Slytherins and looked up to the headmaster. It seemed that he was the only one who had suffered the feeling of impending doom.

As the feast was dismissed, Severus made his way to his classroom and administered the detention to Lockhart and his two accomplices. He wasn't sure what to do as he had no more papers to grade and his mind was only giving him horrible images of Lily dead in a myriad of horrific ways. He kept telling himself: _She will not die, she will not die. I will die before she would._

Severus interceded a couple of times to prevent the students from ruining this batch of antidote. He wondered if they would be any better if he had been their teacher from the first year or if they would still be this incompetent. The only way he would know is if he managed to stay alive for seven years. He doubted it from his position in the war. It could be ended for him if he came and told the Dark Lord something that displeased him. He had been known to kill for that in the past.

By the end of the detention, Severus was determined to get out of the castle. He triple checked the antidotes before adding them to the stores and setting up the classroom for the next detention. It felt like a nervous tick. He shook it off and headed out of the castle.

As he strode across the grounds, he wasn't sure where he was going to go. Get a drink in Hogsmeade? Go back to his house on Spinner's End? Wander through some fields? Visit the Malfoys?

He was about to apparate to the Malfoy Manor when he remembered that they had a baby. Before he could have gone at almost any hour of the night and find a Lucius willing to talk about nothing, but since the baby Lucius had taken to sleeping more regular hours.

Severus took a risk and apparated to Godric's Hallow. He had surmised that the hidden house was the one Potter and co had taken to living in after graduation. Shortly after graduation, he had been sent on few spying missions to observe the goings-on at the place; Potter's entire squadron were known Order members after all. Severus felt it would help his nerves to not be able to find the Potter residence.

He found himself walking in circles a few times until he managed to orient himself to the place he had gone to almost three years ago. He turned the corner ready to see the empty field or the neighboring houses moved to hide the Potter cottage, but, instead, the Potter cottage was there, smoke rising to the sky.

Dumbledore had failed to keep them safe. Severus started running. He went through the open front door. The first thing he saw was a body in the darkened hall. His heart stopped for a moment, thinking it was Lily's body, but it was James's.

It was an odd sight. The sixteen-year-old Severus had wanted to see Potter dead at points, but seeing it now he knew he would have hated it then. Severus looked for signs of a fight, but there wasn't any. In fact, Severus couldn't even spot James's wand.

His heart hurt at the thought of Lily marrying the fool dumb enough to be found unarmed in the midst of a war. Had he never considered the fact that he could be betrayed? Severus couldn't help but feel vindicated at the thought that Black had been a poor choice of secret keeper. Dumbledore had failed.

Severus was nervous heading up the stairs, but he had to go and see that Lily was not here. He needed to know that the Dark Lord had kept his promise. The thought of seeing a dead baby unnerved him, but he pushed those fears back. It wasn't his fault the Dark Lord felt threatened by a baby.

He made it upstairs and saw the outline of another adult body. Severus hoped it was backup, someone else that had stood by and dueled, the reason the house was smoking. He went down the corridor and cried out.

Severus had no idea what noises he was making. The world had stopped. It was Lily's body. Lily was dead. The Dark Lord had failed to keep his promise. Dumbledore had failed to keep his promise. The one thing he had been living for was ended.


	10. Chapter 10

How did this happen? Severus felt destroyed. Both the Dark Lord and Dumbledore had betrayed him. He had failed. He must not have performed well enough as a spy. Dumbledore must have learned that the Dark Lord knew he was getting the information freely from Dumbledore. The Dark Lord must have felt that Severus had been holding back crucial pieces of information. It would have been much better if the Dark Lord had killed Severus for that wrong instead of killing Lily.

Perhaps, perhaps the Dark Lord had only accidentally killed Lily. Perhaps she was out of view and only jumped after he cast the killing curse. She was right next to the crib. Severus would never know. He was the only living person in the house. The Dark Lord had taken another family completely. Severus couldn't shake the thought that the Dark Lord had purposefully killed Lily and cried hard.

The betrayal. The loss. The guilt. It was more than he could handle, but he needed to get a grip. He barely became aware that he had been crying loudly. The house was no longer protected by the fidelius charm. He needed to calm himself or people would show up, like the muggle police.

Severus thought he had stopped crying, but he kept hearing crying. Was he that much out of control of his own body?

The thought scared him and he opened his eyes. He hadn't realized they had been closed. Another body was on the floor and there was something in the crib. The body on the floor was an adult body. Did the Dark Lord kill Black after his cold-hearted betrayal of his best friend and family?

Severus stood up and stepped closer to the other body. It was the Dark Lord's body. The Dark Lord was dead? He looked for wands and found none. The Dark Lord and Lily had killed each other without wands?

Then there was that crying noise again. Severus knew it wasn't him. He turned. There was a living baby in the cot. A living baby?

Severus didn't know what drove him to do it, but he picked up the baby and looked into its eyes. He had his mother's eyes. He pushed into the toddler's mind with ease and saw the scene that disturbed the toddler. The Dark Lord entering the room, hooded. His mother's pleas to not kill the baby. The Dark Lord killing Lily. The Dark Lord then turning on the toddler, the explosion as the curse rebounded.

A rebounding killing curse? There was no defense Severus had ever heard of for the killing curse. He had read about there being an old method, but he never found textual evidence to support that. Somehow the baby had lived. Somehow he had defeated the Dark Lord like the prophecy had warned.

When Severus returned back to reality, he found that he had been cradling the toddler and rocking it back and forth. The toddler had quieted for a moment, but had quickly started to cry again. Severus looked at the wreckage and bodies on the floor. The toddler's memory of the Dark Lord killing Lily without forcing her to step down burned in his memory.

The toddler kept interrupting his search with the image of a cup that the toddler knew was kept in the fridge. Severus glared at the corpse of the Dark Lord and carried the toddler from the room and down the stairs. He found the kitchen and magically summoned the sippy cup from the fridge, casting a refilling charm on it as the toddler began to drink.

Then it cried for food. Severus searched the cupboards as the toddler didn't have a decent memory of where food came from. He found some bread and took out a piece of bread that he tore into pieces and put in front of the toddler. He ate.

After that it was clear he needed his nappy changed and Severus took care of that with a quick cleaning charm. He never understood the changing diapers thing muggles did. The next thing the toddler needed was sleep.

Severus didn't want to go back to the room that held Lily's corpse and holding the baby had been the biggest part in holding him together. Having a minor responsibility made it much easier to pretend the scene upstairs wasn't real. He went into the living room and laid down on the couch with the baby. It was so peaceful that Severus forgot all the pain, guilt, and sorrow.

The next thing he knew, it was light. Where was he? How long has he slept? There was something heavy on his chest. He opened his eyes and saw Lily's green eyes staring back. The baby.

Severus sat up and found himself in the unfamiliar living room of the Potters'. The baby was babbling about something, clearly distraught. The events of last night tried to crash in on him, but Severus pushed it back and decided to take the toddler back in the kitchen to eat again. That must be the reason for it crying.

Severus tried to feed it some food, but the baby refused. He handed him his sippy cup, but the baby refused that too. He cast another cleaning charm on the diaper and the baby didn't stop crying. He stopped and looked into the child's eyes.

The images of Lily and James came, which made the cries of the toddler make sense.

"Mumma, mumma, papa, papa."

That was one thing Severus could not provide. He carried the toddler upstairs and put him in his crib. He pretended the bodies weren't there. He closed them out of his mind and memory. He needed to get out of here. He shouldn't have stopped to take care of the baby, he should have alerted Dumbledore. Severus had no training on toddler handling, as the crying toddler was clearly demonstrating.

Severus took one last look at Lily's lifeless body and the Dark Lord's corpse. It was very clear to him, now, who he should have pledged loyalty to.

There was a loud rumble outside. Severus recognized it as a motorcycle. He went to the window and saw the man Sirius Black. A murderous rage went through him. He pulled out his wand and was about to fly out the window to challenge him when he spotted Hagrid.

While he was wanting a confrontation with Black for his betrayal, he knew now was not the time. He needed to go without being spotted. Being caught at the scene of the crime would not be favorable for the Death Eater turned spy.

Ha apparated through the broken wards to the boundaries of Hogwarts. He strode quickly back to the castle. It was getting late.

The noise in the great hall sounded as if another feast had been called for. The sound was celebratory. That was everything Severus wanted to avoid. Now that he had returned from Godric's Hallow, the weight of what he had seen hurt him. Despair hit him like a wall. He had failed his mission.


	11. Chapter 11

Severus turned from the Great Hall and descended into his dungeons, allowing his hunger remind him of how pitiful he was. He had lead the one person who also had shown the capacity to love without expecting much in return to her death. The only other person who operated like he did; however, she used her gift much more wisely.

Severus sat in his classroom, doing his best to withhold his tears. Lockheart and his associates would be down any minute to serve the last of their detention. He felt empty.

An hour passed without his noticing. Lockheart and his buddies had still not arrived. What were they playing at?

Severus got up to go and complain to Professor Flitwick when a silver phoenix swooped into the room.

"Meet me in my office immediately," came Dumbledore's voice from the mouth of the phoenix before it disappeared.

Severus hesitated. The war was over. His position as a spy was over. Would Dumbledore be luring him to be captured by the aurors to be sent to Azkaban?

Severus slunk into his office, hoping Dumbledore would not note his slight tardiness. He found a vial of painless poison in his desk drawer and pocketed it. Death would be a much better alternative to Azkaban. Besides, he had nothing left to live for.

When Severus made it to the headmaster's office, he felt mostly contained. He had cried his tears at Godric's Hallow. This would be a professional meeting.

"Come in," Dumbledore's voice commanded calmly.

The calmness of his voice made Severus's tears try to pool in his eyes. He took a deep breath to push them back in his skull and then entered the room. He would maintain his composure.

"Have a seat," Dumbledore commanded.

Severus obeyed out of habit.

"I daresay you have heard the news…" Dumbledore began.

Severus kept his mouth shut. His lip was trembling. Why was he having an emotional response now?

"…Lord Voldemort was given the information on where the Potters were hiding yesterday and he attacked them last night. He killed James and then Lily," (at this point, tears were beginning to silently run down Severus's face), "but then his killing curse rebounded—"

Severus let out a horrible cry. His mind had reflected back on when he had seen Lily's lifeless body on the floor. It was his fault. She was dead and it was all his fault. He provided the prophecy. He failed to give the Dark Lord enough service to be worthy of having such a request granted.

Dumbledore said nothing as Severus cried out his heart. Severus's bouts of guilt were suddenly squashed when he saw Dumbledore standing there completely composed and he remembered that Dumbledore had failed in his promise, but he didn't feel as destroyed as Severus felt.

"I thought…you were going…to keep her…safe…" Severus managed to get out between sobs. He knew it didn't sound as threatening as he had hoped it would.

"She and James put their faith in the wrong person," Dumbledore said. "Rather like you, Severus. Weren't you hoping that Lord Voldemort would spare her?"

Rage filled Severus, but he kept it down. He had diversified his trust. He hadn't relied solely on the Dark Lord, unlike how the Potters relied solely on Sirius Black, of all people.

"Her boy survives," said Dumbledore.

Why was he mentioning something so irrelevant? Since the war was over, all that mattered was that Lily was dead.

"Her son lives," Dumbledore repeated. "He has her eyes, precisely her eyes. You remember the shape and colour of Lily Evans's eyes, I am sure?"

"DON'T!" Severus shouted. He couldn't believe that Dumbledore was rubbing it in that Lily had ended up with James Potter of all people, but that didn't matter now. Lily was, "Gone…Dead…"

"Is this remorse, Severus?"

"I wish…I wish I were dead…" Severus couldn't believe he had said those words out loud. He had thought about it and feeling more strongly about it. He had always planned on dying before her. There was never the option of his living and her dying.

"And what use would that be to anyone?" Dumbledore said coldly. "If you loved Lily Evans, if you truly loved her, then your way forward is clear."

Did Dumbledore just use the word love? Did he not think him some dirty pervert? Had Dumbledore seen love inside of him?

But the war was over.

"What—what do you mean?"

"You know how and why she died. Make sure it was not in vain. Help me protect Lily's son."

"He does not need protection. The Dark Lord has gone—"

"—the Dark Lord will return, and Harry Potter will be in terrible danger when he does."

It was unusual, but Severus knew it could happen. There were various methods in the dark arts for escaping death. If the Dark Lord was back, he wanted his vengeance for the Dark Lord's betrayal. The boy, while half James Potter, was still part Lily. It had been his life goal to protect Lily, perhaps a piece of Lily would do. She had also been strongly against killing oneself.

While it was not an ideal situation, it did seem like the only way to keep moving forward. The only way to not be stuck on this moment forever.

Severus tried to come up with other options, but they all seemed empty. He could take on this challenge. He would even try to go back to the Dark Lord so that his betrayal would hurt as much as the Dark Lord's betrayal had hurt him. As long as only Dumbledore knew how much Lily's loss hurt him, it would work. He knew the Dark Lord had told the Death Eaters about his request to save Lily, but, as long as they didn't know she meant more to him than the Dark Lord, it would work.

"Very well. Very well. But never—never tell, Dumbledore! This must be between us! Swear it!" Severus couldn't help but think of all the people that had mocked his friendship with Lily to be motivated by as shallow a motivation as lust. It would be best to not let that rumor take hold in another generation. "I cannot bear…especially Potter's son…I want your word!"

"My word, Severus, that I shall never reveal the best of you?" Dumbledore sighed and there was a moment where Severus was not sure if he would promise. Then he continued, "If you insist…"

* * *

The next morning Severus was exhausted as he was unable to sleep, but he was not going to show that weakness to his students. He was furious and his first class that morning were the seventh years. There were three students in that class that deserved some reprehending.

"Lockheart, Hickleburt, Korr," Severus called from the door that he was opening to let the students in. "I need to speak with you in the hallway before class begins."

"You wanted to see us about rescheduling last night's detention?" Korr asked.

"No, I want to ask why you did not show up. I waited all night for you and you failed to come. There—"

"But sir, You-Know-Who had been defeated, you can't expect us—" Lockhart interrupted, but Severus interrupted back with vitriol.

"There is no reason to not show up to a detention unless I say otherwise. I did not give any of you permission to not come to detention, therefore you each will serve detention every night this week as well as one to make up for last night. While you might think I look like a classmate, I assure you, I am not. I am a professor. I have authority. I will see you in my dungeons at 6pm every night this week, no excuses."

He then gestured for them to enter the classroom in front of him. He slammed the door and strode to the front of the classroom. The students could tell there was a difference and were silent. It was the most peaceful seventh year class all term.

It was later that day that rumors started that Professor Snape was a Death Eater and was pissed off because You-Know-Who had been defeated. When Severus heard those rumors, it didn't bother him. It would make it all the easier to convince the Dark Lord that he never strayed when he returned.

**Part of the dialogue is taken from Prince's Tale


End file.
